I’ve got nerves, they’re multiplyin’ 

In just 18 hours I will be boarding a plane with my momma, and flying from Los Angeles to Missoula, MT. In 26 hours I’ll be sitting in front of one of the nations most innovative neurosurgeons in the SIJD field, Dr Carter Beck. To say I’m nervous is an understatement. 

For the last 6 years I’ve suffered from lower pack pain, and for over a year of that time, the pain has been constant, chronic, and debilitating. I have prayed, hoped, wished, and bargained to see a doctor who actually understands what is happening in my body, and could possibly fix it. Tomorrow, February 6, is just another day for most, but I’ve been waiting for it for what feels like forever. To even speak to a medical professional with experience with this horrible dysfunction will be an answered prayer. To have him tell me that he thinks he can help me, well that would be a miracle. But I’m so scared….

I’m scared to fly all that way and be told he can’t help me. 

I’m scared that there really IS something else going on, and he won’t be able to help me. 

I’m scared to travel in pain.

I’m scared to be in the snow ❄️ 

I’m just scared. 

I can’t explain why I went from super stoked and excited to wanting to cancel and hide in my bed forever. And think, what will I be like before I actually have the surgery (God willing!)???? All I can say is this….I need a miracle. If you are a praying person, please say a prayer for safe travels, low pain, and that the RIGHT solution will be obvious. I know I have so many of you backing me, and for that I AM BLESSED! 

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One thought on “I’ve got nerves, they’re multiplyin’ 

  1. gracenoteswebKristin says:

    Oh Lauren, I so get this. It was almost a surreal experience for me going to see Dr Beck in September. You would have thought I was meeting my favorite musician, athlete, hero and God all at once. Standing in the waiting room and looking out at the surrounding mountains I kept saying “I’m really here!!!!!!”. It was such a ‘pinch me’ moment but Dr Beck was quiet and unassuming. Within minutes of examining me and reviewing my record we were talking about surgery. I could barely take it all in because I, like you, feared that maybe he couldn’t help me and while I didn’t really WANT surgery per se, I did want a fix from my 8 years of pain.
    Write your questions down. Don’t drink too much coffee. Self talk “you can do this”. Stay calm. Deep breath, girl. Get your story out. Relax so he can examine you, which won’t take long and then LISTEN. I am absolutely praying for you.

    Liked by 1 person

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